The Brat Effect

God I don't want to be raising a brat. I haven't stumbled upon a parenting book yet that clearly maps out how this is supposed to be accomplished. I fear my three year old has absolutely no fear, of anything, including me. She thinks nothing of questioning every decision I make, and I find myself, foolishly, explaining my reasoning to her. What is wrong with me? Whatever happened to "because I said so"? That's going to have to change.

It dawned on me the other day, Bri was in the family room watching the news, when Miss Maddie waltzed in and said, "Put my show on, I don't want to watch this." Ummm, would you have ever said that to your father when you were a kid? I'm thirty years old, and when my dad comes over, I still let him watch whatever he wants, because he is my dad.

I know this sounds like goofy kids stuff. Hopefully, that is all it is. Hopefully, my broken record of say please, say thank you, be kind, share, don't hit your dog, don't put post-it notes on your sister, will one day sink in. Hopefully, it won't fall on deft ears.

My fear, however, is that of any working mom. Is this my fault because I work? Is she acting out because she is subconsciously angry at my absence? Is the schedule I put myself on and the demands of the company seeping into my family life? If so, what the hell am I suppose to do? Not work?

On top of all of these guilt laden fears is the undeniable reality that my kids will have access to privileges I didn't know existed when I was growing up. I don't worry about it so much now, but the fear is in the back of my mind, especially when we talk about where to send them to school. We are fortunate to be able to give them the best education possible. But in a world where iPhones and Wiis are bought as favors for Bar Mitzvahs, and grade school kids carry designer handbags - how do you keep your kids good, kind and humble without them hating you for not helping them keep up with the Joneses?? How do you teach them where mommy and daddy came from? That by our sheer will and hard work they have the lives they have so there will be no entitlement tolerated.

This brings me back to the issue at hand. I really believe that the foundation of their little lives are shaped right now. I believe in order to be good, kind and humble they need to learn it from the start. I've started doing little things, like talking to Maddie about why I volunteer and why it is important to help people in our community. I'm just starting to give her money in her piggy bank - a whole $.50 if she gets all of her responsibility stars each week, then we give a little bit away to help others each month. She barely understands, but I think the dialog is helpful.

I'm probably over thinking this, like I do everything else. I just want to be the best mom possible for my girls. So until someone writes the ultimate, fail safe guide to parenting, I'm going to keep working, be a broken record, lead by example, pray really hard, and have a big fat glass of wine every night.

Cheers!

If You Need Some Inspiration Today, Meet My Heroes: Trish & Lily

This picture was taken a few weeks ago at my daughter’s 3rd birthday party. Maddie (mine) is in the center wearing her yellow "Belle" gown. To her left is Lily Adkins, sporting the latest "Princess Tiana" fashion, her mom, Trish, is laughing in the background. To the right, in the blue "Ariel" dress, is Natalie, my good friend and college roommate Jenny’s daughter. I heart this picture, but for reasons other than it is one of the stinkin' cutest things I’ve ever seen.

I met Trish Adkins – then Trish Carrington – in college. We had little in common other than two things, we were both in (different) sororities and our boyfriends were best friends. We had our own group of friends, different majors, and different agendas. Basically, we paid very little attention to each other. As time move on, we graduated, landed our first “real” job and our first “real” place. Oh, and one other thing, we were marrying those two best friends.

Over the years, I became very fond of Trish. I found her funny, irreverent, and super smart, just the sort of chick I like to hang with. She quickly went from someone I ran into from time to time, to a very significant member of my soon to be extended family. We fully celebrated each others weddings and were thrilled when we found out that she and Mike (her hubby) were expecting their first baby.

Lily Adkins was born 11 weeks early, spent 10 days on a ventilator and 7 weeks in the NICU. Trish spent every moment she was allowed, by her baby’s side, literally nursing her to heath. Through the exhausting ordeal, Trish stayed positive. When they finally brought Lily home, she was a happy, heathly, and gorgeous little thing. So we were shocked, when at 14 months, Lily was diagnosed with a regular ependymona brain tumor. One day Lily is smiling and playing, the next day she is vomiting and losing her motor skills. Trish had the good sense to call the doctor immediately, and, if you can be fortunate in this sort of situation, lived local to The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, where Lily was immediately admitted.

I remember walking into their room at CHOP and found Lily lying in bed with Trish stretched out next to her. They both looked exhausted, numb, and shocked. How Trish held it together is beyond my grasp of understanding. How she got the strength to take a shower every few days blows my mind. It would have been enough to break me. Somehow she not only navigated the basic fundamentals of her day – like eating – she also managed Lily’s treatment. No small task when doctors are talking about things like shunts and IVCs and radiation, enough to make your head spin. Trish began to pour herself into studying everything she could to better understand this grossly unfair disease. When they found out Lily was eligible for Proton Radiation Therapy at MD Anderson – a treatment that would not require chemotherapy - Trish temporarily moved the family from Philadelphia to Texas.

The weeks of treatment were successful and Lily is now in remission. Lily has regular physical and occupational therapy to help recover her gross motor skills. For now she needs an MRI every 6 months and will continue to have them the rest of her life. Her MRI’s have been clear since 2007 and she recently celebrated her 4th birthday. Lily is a fighter, she has a spirit in her you cannot describe, you have to meet her to truly understand why she is so, so special, and the person who pulled her through this was her mother – who will never accept the praise she deserves.

I love women who rock and Trish rocks. She is a devoted mother, handles the absolute worst of situations with nothing but grace, throws a mean kids birthday party complete with a candy bar, runs her own Yoga company Trinitas Yoga, writes her blog, YOKE, and brings a major dose of inspiration to my day, every day.

I don’t know why things happen the way they do. I don’t know why babies have to get cancer. What I do know, now that I have witnessed Lily Adkins brave battle, is that no disease can destroy the human spirit. And with someone like Trish on your side, you can find the strength to win your battle, even if you are barely a year old.

The Adkins' Family, including Mike, Lily's wonderful dad, and baby sister Chloe, are now committed to the fight against childhood cancer. This Saturday, June 12th, they will host their 2nd annual Lily’s Lemonade Stand at their home in New Jersey, with all proceeds going to Alex’s Lemonade Stand. If you would like to make a donation, please visit http://www.alexslemonade.org/mypage/9214 . Your donation will help find a cure for pediatric cancer, could save a life and will one day prevent an entire family from having to contend with this sort of ordeal.

Lily – You are more special to us then you will ever know.
Trish – I really love and admire the woman you are and am grateful everyday that our girls will grow up together.

See you on Saturday.