Sometimes, a girl just needs reassurance

I have often marveled at how the universe drops something in my lap just when I need it. In this case it was my hubby handing me yesterday's USA Today. Laura Vanderkam wrote a fascinating article titled "Moms, part-time work is overrated." Vanderkam argues that women who work part-time vs. women who work full-time gain very little extra time with their families at the end of day. In addition, they may be hurting the family's financial health and their careers in the long run.

Let me backtrack for a moment. When my husband and I travel, our girls stay with my mom and dad, better known as "mom-mom" and "pop." It's a huge blessing for many reasons, mainly because we can go to work without having to worry about the welfare of our children and the big one - we don't have to pay for daycare. So this morning, Bri picked the kids up and Maddie was so happy to see me. I said, "Mads, are you happy to be home?" She answered, quickly, "No, I like it at Pops." Insert dagger in my heart. Let me be clear. I'm thrilled she loves her grandparents, and honestly, most days I would rather be hanging out with Pop, but given my constant guilt ridden state, this completely innocent comment sent me overboard.

Everyday, I question the point to all this. I'm exhausted, overworked and always guilty. The ebbs and flows of business wear on my nerves. I realize I am guilty for all sorts of weird things, most curiously, because I like my job. I am so guilty about that, like I am choosing my career over my kids when the only reason I work is so we can take the best care of them as possible. I just happen to enjoy what I do. Rationally I know this makes no sense, but I haven't been rational since Maddie was born.

I've always been an all or nothing kinda gal, so when I started Kristel Closets, Inc. I wasn't going to do it unless the plan was to be the best. What's the point if you're not? In my case, you can't be the best part time. So when my irrational brain started to think maybe I should do this part -time to create better "balance"this fabulous article was dropped in my lap.

The article is not intended for women who work part-time for extra cash, but more for women who work part time to keep their foot in the door of their career. Vanderkam states that in two-income families part time working mothers typically only spend 10 more minutes per day playing with their kids. It makes sense. Ask any young mother and she will tell you it takes just as long to get out of the house for an hour as it does for the entire day. (You still need to prep as if you are NEVER coming back.) Your commute is often the same, and a lot of times you are simply cramming 8 hours of work into 4 hours so when you get home you are still exhausted and fried.

So is it worth it? You gain 10 minutes - maybe an hour, but you somehow fall behind in your career. The kids will eventually be in school all day, have their own little social calendar and one day, God willing, they move out and live their own lives. Where does that leave us? We know it is easier to advance, which means higher pay therefore more options, if we are available. Someone who is available full-time vs someone who works part-time will almost always get more visibility. Let's not forget we are also competing with men, who, for whatever reason, are always available regardless of their responsibilities at home. There is no real clear answer, but certainly something to think about.

For me, I have come to realize that if I am going to leave the house for a meeting or to speak somewhere, I plan the entire day out of the house. Fragmented days just means nothing gets done. I've had to lower my expectation as to how much housework will actually get done, but don't tell my husband, and when I get home I turn off until the next morning so I end up being more engaged with the time I do have with the kids.

This article really helped me regain perspective. After I read it, I thought "see, I'm not crazy, this is what I've been thinking!" So if you're a working mommy trying to find some sort of balance it is worth considering Vanderkam's points. Especially if you run a business, you just won't make it doing it part time. As I put the article down, I glanced over to an affirmation card I wrote a few years ago after I called Gina Rubel, a good friend and mentor, in a state of new baby exhaustion. She said, "You take care of your family by working, that's how much you love them." And she's right, this is what works for me. Sometimes, a girl just needs some reassurance.