Another Reason to Burn Your Sweatpants

The crack team of reporters over at the Today Show spent 5 minutes - that's an eternity in TV time - telling women that sweatpants are killing their sex life (for proof click here). What a news flash! I don't have a PhD in anything other than how to be fabulous and I could have told you that. Seriously ladies, pull yourselves together. Why is it that we get married and waive the white flag of fashion defeat? Yes, yes, I've heard you a million times over, they're comfortable. Here's the deal, your husband HATES them, you look terrible in them and I'm going to go out on a limb and say you may not feel your sexiest ... no? This sweatpants debate made be think of how easy - and acceptable - it has become to completely let ourselves go.

You and your husband got together because you liked how each other looked. Then, luckily, you found out you shared similar beliefs, made each other laugh or discovered that he had a HUGE bank account, in any case, you dug each other from the start. If you're wondering why the spark may be dimming in the loving department, take a good look at what you are putting on after work or on the weekends. Are you looking? Now, ask yourself, would you want to date that?

Date, a novel concept for a married couple but absolutely necessary for the health of your relationship. Some of the happiest couples I know schedule time together and really honor it. It's the only way to stay connected. Remember the feeling you had way back in the day, when you knew you had a date with your future hubby? Ask my sorority sisters, I was a nut case when it came to Brian, and the mocking I received was well deserved, but now, I look forward to our quite time together just like I did when I was 20. Unfortunately, with two kids and two insanely busy work schedules an official date is few and far between, which makes it all the more important to look good for each other on a normal night at home.

I spend my work days running in 3 inch heels, so at the end of the day all I want to do is take off my Spanx and hop into something comfy. I've discovered the only way I won't wear the ugliness is if it's not in the house. If you were on a diet would you keep chocolate cake on hand? No. So try it for yourself. Get rid of every paint stained, grass stained, and you-only-walk-the-dog-in-but-then-you're-in-them-all-day-pants and see how much nicer you look, how much better you feel and how the hubby responds.

I suggest putting together a uniform of sorts, easy pieces you can grab and be dressed in 5 minutes. Mine is pretty straightforward: A pair of black leggings from Hue, long soft tee shirts from the BP department in Nordstrom, and Tory Burch flats. Throw on a long necklace and some lip gloss, my favorite is Chanel Glossimer in Spark and you look glam with no effort. On the weekends, you must have a fantastic pair of jeans - spare no expense, a great fitting pair of jeans will change your life, or at least how you feel about yourself. Put on a pair of wedge sandals and a cute cardigan and tank and you're done.

No more excuses, because really, that's what they are. Your size, weight, and stress level may be the reason you gave up but don't let them be the reason you keep yourself this way. There are stores and brands accessible at all price points to fit any size need, and if you're stressed, well, live with it, this is America we're all stressed, so you might as well look good while you're freaking out.

The lesson here is twofold. First, your husband is like a puppy dog, he just wants to know that you care and are putting in an effort. If you're being honest, you probably have asked him to give up a lot or even if you just make him watch the occasional romantic comedy, you owe him some lipstick and smooth legs. Second, there is nothing wrong with adding a little bit of glamour to your everyday life, it doesn't make you self centered or a bad mom, it will make you feel great, your hubby will be pleasantly surprised and your relationship will stay or get back on track.

I Just Want 5 Minutes To Myself

I'm not sure how this happened, but until last night, I haven't had a shower by myself in weeks, maybe months. Don't get excited, nothing juicy is happening- but for some reason everyone is in the bathroom when I am in the shower. They just walk in, asking me all sorts of questions. Urgent ones, of course, like, "what are we doing for dinner?" or "where are my gym shorts?" Even better, they have a visit, like Maddie, who for the last few weeks has been in potty training boot camp, meaning we leave her on her princess potty with a storybook for as long as "it" takes, so long that I may as well grab a quick shower while we are waiting.

Last night, to my absolute delight, I found myself with two sleeping kids and a traveling husband. I forgot how indulgent a bath can be, and how necessary that "me" time is for my own mental health. When better to try out some new products I've been meaning to review? Enter WEN Sweet Almond Cleansing Conditioner. OMG - it's FAB! I had first heard of WEN during my stint as a buyer for QVC, but didn't purchase it until a few weeks ago when I read about it again on style goddess Rachel Zoe's blog: The Zoe Report.

It's life changing. You heard me. Life. Changing. First, you get this great tingly feeling on your scalp, just like at the salon. The formula does not lather up, so you may get a little freaked out, but you definitely feel it working. It smells amazing and best of all is what happens after the shower. Your hair is full, really full and super shinny - all day. My thin Irish hair was Brooke Shields gorgeous in minutes. I don't know how it works, and, frankly, I don't really care. It's filled with natural goodness, no toxins or detergents, but honestly, it could be poison in a bottle and if my hair looked this good, I would still use it.

Listen Mommies, we need to take advantage of any bonus time we may get, so I suggest loading up on some luxurious bath items and stealing 5 minutes to yourself whenever you can. You don't have to spend hours at the spa to look gorge, just a few minutes here and there. A little you time will make you feel like a new woman, or your former pre-mommyhood self.

You'll Spend More Time With Your Kids

I'm fascinated when I hear women tell me they are starting a business because they want to spend more time with their kids. I wonder if they found the extra 12 hours in the day we have all been searching for. Unless they have, it's not going to happen. Amongst the numerous reasons not to start a business, this is my number one.

First, it screams of a lack of understanding as to what is actually required of you to run a start up. Even in women centric home based businesses a la Mary Kay, the women who earn the big bucks work for it, all the time, every day. When my company, Kristel Closets, Inc. first started, I hit 3 networking events a day, met everyone and their mother for a coffee, and worked for free (yup, that's how it works). Clients don't just knock on your door, you have to go find them ... and you can't take your kids with you.

You see, while you love your kids and think they are fascinating, your business partners, clients and colleagues don't care so much. Are the kids sick? Oh well. Did you not sleep? Not their problem. When it's your business, when you are only paid when you work, there is no calling out sick. You are managing two different lives. Your kids don't care that you have a business, your business doesn't care that you have kids and it's your job - on top of everything else - to treat each as if they are the only and most important thing in your life.

There are three keys to making it work:

1. Create a system and follow it: It takes some time to find out what will work for you so try some different things out. Once you know what you need, stick with it, when you go off plan the whole system fails and you waste valuable time getting it back up. My husband and I sit down with our planners months in advance and map out our work and travel days. Once it's set, it's set, there is no changing days. We went off the schedule once and it was a debacle.

2. Find your support system: It's so important to surround yourself with other like minded people, it keeps you relatively sane, like you're not the only one with this idea. Beyond just emotional support you need people who will help take care of your kids. We are fortunate to have very active parents in our lives. My parents help take care of the girls most days and are more than happy to have them for an overnight. Brian's parents will help on weekends, even if it is just for a few hours so we can have a quick date night. Maybe you hire a nanny or have close group of girlfriends who can help. Whoever it is, take the help where ever you can get it.

3. Own your choices. You'll never hear me complain about our situation. I do believe I am privileged to own a business, but it comes a cost. I didn't get a maternity leave with Maddie, the business was just too new. I made the choice to go back to works a couple weeks after having her. It was during that time I met some of the most amazing women, my advocates, who quickly turned into mentors and friends. I had to give up the maternity leave for the opportunity to surround my daughters with positive, powerful, inspiring women. I found my own way to bond with Maddie and she has these amazing "aunts." I wouldn't go back and change it. On the flip side, I often skip social events that could connect me to more industry contacts to stay home and watch a movie with the kids. It's all about the choices you make.

So, if all this still sounds like a good idea, go for it. You are showing your kids that they are able to do anything, you are teaching them first hand the principles our country was founded on, and you'll provide for them the life you always wanted them to have. Just be okay with guilt being a daily part of your life, for always being conflicted, and constantly second guessing your choices. As long as my kids are proud of me, I know I'm making the right one.

How to Get Married

Maddie Kristel has the unique ability to take a rather complicated scenario and break it down into simple terms. Take for example her thoughts on weddings. Below is a conversation I had with Maddie a few weeks ago after we watched an episode of "Say Yes to the Dress" or as she calls it, "The Dress Show."

Maddie: "Mommy, when are you going to marry daddy?"
Me: "Mommy and Daddy are already married."
Maddie: "Oh, because you have that picture of you in that dress."
Me: "Yup, that was my wedding dress."
Maddie: "So you need a dress, you eat some chicken, and dance ... and then you are married!"
Me: "Pretty much."

Didn't know it was that easy did you? The reality is, no matter how small or simple you want your big day to be, the details are often overwhelming. Enter my dear friend, Laura Eaton. In addition to balancing her phenomenal wedding photography business, Laura Eaton Photography, and a new gorgeous baby girl, she is also the brains behind Soiree in the City, the high end bridal and style event showcasing the best of the best wedding professionals in the Philadelphia region. If you happen to be planning a wedding be sure to attend this amazing event, this Sunday, April 25th.

In my book, Laura is a rock star, a brilliant business woman, wife, new mom and loyal friend, whose energy is only exceeded by her enthusiasm. How she does it all, I don't know. What I do know is that when Laura puts her name on something you know it is going to be outstanding. I can't wait see what she's come up with this time.

Little Person Lesson #1

Anyone who knows me well knows of my constant struggle with self esteem. I have always thought I am too pale, too many freckles and too tall. It all stems from childhood teasing, bullying and my natural tendency to be super sensitive. Yes, I know, interesting that I work in a incredibly superficial industry and that the focus of my business as a stylist is to show women that they can feel better about themselves when when they look their best. Just add that to the laundry list of contradictions that are Megan Kristel. There is a lot of "those who can't do, teach" happening here.

My appreciation for my own self definitely saw an upswing after the birth of my first baby, Maddie, almost three years ago. Aside from being highly impressed with myself - a whole 9 months without a glass of wine, champagne or cocktail - I couldn't believe I created a person. Me, the girl who for the longest time thought I was good for very little, made a person, who was perfect in every way. And she needed me, not just for her survival but to teach her how to be a woman which meant I needed to grow up and start acting like the women she knew I could be. I had to ditch the whole, "oh, poor me, I feel so bad about myself" nonsense I use to pull. Being a mom is more than diaper changes and play dates. It dawned on me that it was my responsibility to show her how to navigate the world with class and leave some kind of impact.

The lessons found in motherhood are powerful. The saying, "they teach us more than we teach them" is true. Maddie, like me, is very tall. It use to make me crazy when people would comment on how tall she was, or think she was older than 3 because of her height. I didn't want to make an issue of it, because I had always been so insecure about it myself. But I realized, the more I tried to make it a non issue, the more of an issue it was becoming. I was projecting my own insecurity about my height on this little girl who didn't think anything of it. That was a big moment of clarity. This isn't about me and I need to get over myself, fast.

In this clarity came a very practical lesson. What could I do about my own height? Nothing. So why was I always trying to fight it, wear flats and slouch down? Would I want Maddie to do that? Absolutely not. I would tell her to stand tall, feel beautiful and let everyone envy her supermodel stature. Maybe I could do the same? So I did, and I now take pleasure in my stature, I wear my high heels and love it. It makes me think back to when I was 16 and desperate for a date to one of my high school formals. I really only ever wanted a guy to be taller than me and when I (finally) met him, I married him :)

So the lesson here is that these kids were given to us to help us become our best selves, whoever that may be. I may be rocking an LV and a fab pair of shoes but these material things mean very little when you don't feel great about who you are on the inside. I thank little Maddie Kristel for that every day.

Someone to Watch Over Me

Behind every successful woman is a group of other successful women who decided at some point to take care of her. I am fortunate to have several, from all walks of life, in all sorts of business. There is one woman in particular who has gone above and beyond for me, who I am grateful to forever.

Neen James is a tiny Australian with a big personality and a bigger heart. She is amazingly successful in her own business, traveling the world as an accomplished speaker and working with women business owners in her wildly successful mentoring program. Her speciality is productivity, something we could all use a little more of.

I first met Neen when she was hosting a networking event in Philadelphia and I was about 5 months pregnant with my daughter Maddie. My business was in it's infancy, I didn't have a single client, my website was still under construction, and I had never before attended a networking event. I had no idea what I was doing, I just knew it had to work. At the time Neen was running the networking organization in the city in addition to her speaking career. She made me feel so welcomed and at ease, I came back. She taught me my first big lesson in networking - stay top of mind, no one knows who you are if you stay in your house all the time. It was the first of countless, invaluable lessons.

Often times friends and colleagues ask me "How do you do it all with the kids and the business?" By which I answer, I have a mentor who I can not live without. Neen is my sounding board, my voice for reason, and my accountability. She tells me when I need to put my big girls shoes on and when I need to get over myself. She is the little voice in my head asking me why shouldn't I be ridiculously successful. Every business woman should have a mentor and for every mom balancing family life and career it's a must.

I believe it is my privilege to own my business. My clients are truly delightful and my team is an extension of my family, but for all of the joy I get in ownership it can also be painfully lonely. When there is no one above you, where do you go for support and guidance? When times are tough and you don't know what your next move should be, who do you talk to? More so, when your decisions not only effect your business but also your family life, who do you talk to for some clarity? It's only too easy to make a business decision based your family's needs, but that is not always the best decision for the business, and without the business, how do you support the family?

Neen has become an integral part of my life and a large part of my success. I often think about how interesting the universe is. Neen had to travel half way around the world, and I had to gain enough nerve to walk into a strange event, pregnant and terrified, in order to meet, but it was one of the luckiest moments of my life. Beyond all the practical and brilliant business advice Neen has given me over the years, it is who is as a women that inspires me the most. Women should take care of other women, when we do, amazing things happen.

The Begining ...

The idea behind this blog came one day while strolling around Neiman Marcus after a very successful client appointment, I reached into my Louis Vuitton to pay for some overpriced face cream and found a diaper, one toddler size hair tie, and an empty sandwich bang containing nothing but the crumbs of old cheerios. It dawned on me; these two worlds could not be more different. And yet, I’m living in this parallel universe. I started looking for community, something us women do when we need to feel like we are not in this thing called motherhood alone and realized no one was speaking my story.

I don’t quite fit into the world of The Working Mom or The Stay at Home Mom, because I am smack in the middle of both. I am the woman who is somehow trying to keep both feet in motherhood and in her career all while trying to live with some semblance of grace and maintain my chic inner self. Seems impossible, but for the past three years, I have been doing it, and while I'm exhausted, I have two healthy kids, one happy marriage and a successful business ... I may be on to something.

It’s hard, at times it seems impossible and pointless. Everyday I second guess my decisions and often wish I could do one or the other. But when failure is not an option it is amazing what a woman can do. With the new economy and the rising cost of living, few families can really afford to be single income households. I certainly wouldn’t be able to give the life I want to give my children on my husband’s income alone. So we made the decision to start my company while I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. If I was going to have to leave the house to work, I was going to do what I loved, and the decision is paying off.

Switching back and forth between business owner and doting mother has become my greatest challenge. On one hand I have a hour long debate deciding if someone’s Louboutins are the best option for them to wear to keynote a function or talking at length with a client about how the insecurities of her teenage years are adversely affecting her body image. Then, I go home and have to tell my 3 year old not put her fingers in her dog’s backside and cheer pooping on the potty like I’m watching the Phillies win the World Series. Successful business woman running an image consulting company by day, young mother of two girls still finding her way in the world by night. I thought, if I wrote about my experiences, it could bring other moms like me together, start a dialog and create a community.

I have to work, but I love my work. My daughters are my world, Maddie (3) and Ava (2mths), are the reason I work as insanely hard as I do. I want them to know that they can create whatever they want for themselves in the world, and that women hold the power to do amazing things – who better to show them this first hand than their own mommy? So begins my new blog, which will be updated regularly with my thoughts, concerns and stories about my experience as a new mom in this new world.